why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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