You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
