well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
