I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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