I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
