Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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