the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
