No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
