no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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