OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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