I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
