Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
