just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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