went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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