dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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