You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
