Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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