I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
