My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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