And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
