There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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