the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cannot find my penis.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
