16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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