i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
