just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
