i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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