What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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