Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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