The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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