I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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