Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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