Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
