maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize