Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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