i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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