no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
