8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
