Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Someone shit on the floor
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
