So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
