Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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