i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
