he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
