You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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