Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize