Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
