I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
