i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
