New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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