their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize