I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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