Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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