Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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