Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
