We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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