I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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