nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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