I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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