Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
