I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just invented taco cereal.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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