I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
