porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize