We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
