Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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