Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
