I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize