im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
