Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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