I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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